Out, Outer, Outest

Sometimes I am afraid to write because I don’t know where to begin and I don’t know what will come out.

This week I discovered that my mum did not, in fact, know that I’m Q-U-E-E-R. My sisters discovered that she didn’t know in Italy, a couple of weeks ago. Um, oops.

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”

“Well I didn’t.”

To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t ever 100% sure she knew. But I had some recollection of a conversation where it seemed like she dropped hints. Nancy and Audrey completely thought she knew, when they mentioned it in some off-handed comment in some conversation. Neither of them can even remember what they said. Only that Mum said that was the first she’d heard of it.

I’d really love to thank my sisters for alerting me that she didn’t know. Thanks a lot, guys. Real helpful. Nancy said she meant to tell me but it slipped her mind and oh how we are all having these slips, no?

It was rather amusing how the topic came up. My friend Z. put the idea in my head of a possible trip to Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket (where Mum lives) this summer. I thought I’d tell her it was a possibility. Which brought up my mother’s uncharacteristically old-fashioned rule about no boys sleeping in the same room as her daughters unless married. I like to push this button with my mum.

“Well, what if we weren’t having sex? What if it was Miguel?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Well, what if it was a girl?”

“In your case, no.”

Well then. There it was. Ensuing discussion and giggling from me about how everyone thought she knew. And then…I asked,

“Well, are you going to disown me?”

“No.”

“So you accept it?”

“For everyone but you.”

So, apparently my mother is fine with the gays as long as her daughter isn’t one. But she still loves me. She’ll come around, I think. But, hell, it’s very weird.

Perhaps I should have dealt with this in high school. Or college. But then it just seemed easier to not mention it, especially considering that all my serious relationships in the past five years have been with men.

And now I’m single.

I guess better late than never. I’ve got my eye on a hottie and I don’t want to hide.

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2 Responses to “Out, Outer, Outest”

  1. Victoria Marinelli Says:

    Yay coming out! Yay hottie-spotting!

  2. tangobaby Says:

    It’s never easy to be your own person where your parents are concerned. I think at the end of the day, you will always be their baby and it’s hard for them to really understand that you’re your own person despite their hopes and dreams for you. I happen to be an atheist (which I consider the be the new gay, if there is such a thing) and I’ve yet to really talk about that with family. I just figure they’ll read between the lines, and I’m sure they think I’m just going through a “phase.”

    Good luck to you and your mom in her growing appreciation of you as a loving person in whatever way that is expressed.

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