Sometimes I am afraid to write because I don’t know where to begin and I don’t know what will come out.
“I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”
“Well I didn’t.”
To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t ever 100% sure she knew. But I had some recollection of a conversation where it seemed like she dropped hints. Nancy and Audrey completely thought she knew, when they mentioned it in some off-handed comment in some conversation. Neither of them can even remember what they said. Only that Mum said that was the first she’d heard of it.
I’d really love to thank my sisters for alerting me that she didn’t know. Thanks a lot, guys. Real helpful. Nancy said she meant to tell me but it slipped her mind and oh how we are all having these slips, no?
It was rather amusing how the topic came up. My friend Z. put the idea in my head of a possible trip to Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket (where Mum lives) this summer. I thought I’d tell her it was a possibility. Which brought up my mother’s uncharacteristically old-fashioned rule about no boys sleeping in the same room as her daughters unless married. I like to push this button with my mum.
“Well, what if we weren’t having sex? What if it was Miguel?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“Well, what if it was a girl?”
“In your case, no.”
Well then. There it was. Ensuing discussion and giggling from me about how everyone thought she knew. And then…I asked,
“Well, are you going to disown me?”
“So you accept it?”
“For everyone but you.”
So, apparently my mother is fine with the gays as long as her daughter isn’t one. But she still loves me. She’ll come around, I think. But, hell, it’s very weird.
Perhaps I should have dealt with this in high school. Or college. But then it just seemed easier to not mention it, especially considering that all my serious relationships in the past five years have been with men.
And now I’m single.
I guess better late than never. I’ve got my eye on a hottie and I don’t want to hide.