me: Oh hello! [redacted] finally asked me out.
Miguel: oooh. yay!
me: I had fun at your place yesterday.
Miguel: oh? What’d you do? no orgies without me!
me: I watched the fish for an hour, had an executive meeting, ate the rest of my pad thai, took a nap and then left. And I watched TV.
Miguel: ok that’s all allowed
me: Which only took me an hour to figure out. I may have eated up your jelly beans, though.
Miguel: haha that’s ok. those are mainly for you
me: Which reminds me…WE NEED TO GO TO THE JELLY BELLY FACTORY!
me: have you ever been? it’s only like a 45 min drive
Miguel: WHY ARE YOU YELLING?
me: BECAUSE JELLY BEANS ARE EXCITING!
Miguel: i thought you were anti-HFCS
me: dude. they have a portrait of RONALD REAGAN made entirely of JELLY BEANS there. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let corn-politics get in my way of seeing THAT.
Miguel: ronald reagan is not my favorite ex-president. Sorry. i’ll go
me: good. it’s settled. I like Ronald because he shares my love of the bean. Except he hated broccoli and i LIKE broccoli.
Miguel: yeah i don’t like him cuz he hated poor people….and broccoli
me: what have you ever done for poor people?
Miguel: never promoted trickle down economics for one
me: that’s a little laissez-faire. if you ask me
Miguel: i also served them turkey one turkey day. and donated a lot of awesome clothes
me: good point. i bet reagan never did that. anyway, we’ll just blindfold you when we get to the portrait section of the tour. or, how about THIS then? we could make a jelly-bean portrait of someone you DO like. your FAVORITE ex-president
Miguel: calvin coolidge? really?