Some Advice

Holden?

I need some advice on how and when to talk to an ex who wants to be friends who I’m still in love with. Since you seem to be doing so well with everything and it seems like you understand and can handle this better than I seem to, do you have any advice?


I’ve been really stalling writing this post. I told y’all that something akin to a “how to survive a breakup” post was coming, and I’ve been thinking about it, a lot, but was having trouble putting it together.

Mainly because there’s a sense that I pretty much know what I’m doing, at least judging from the emails I’ve been getting, and I’m afraid of letting you guys down.

I have lots of tips and ideas and things to say about the subject, but I haven’t yet because while I can tell you you should be doing X, Y and Z, I’m only doing Z today, or a combination of Y and X intermittently, or actually I just spent the whole day in bed reading.

But today I read this, on one of my favorite places to go, Havi Brooks’ The Fluent Self.

hihowareyouSo, since we’re now talking about fear, I’m just going to let you know I haz it. About this post, yes, but more about how well I’m doing versus how well I’m “supposed” to be doing, and even more about the total unknowns about my relationship with Jack.

Okay, so great. Now I’ve said that part.

And we’ll make that this the first part of the answer:

For all of us who are sitting in this stuff right now, fear is gonna be there. And it’s really the first thing I think we should acknowledge. And (this is important) we can practice acknowledging fear without judging it as “good” or “bad”. We don’t have to judge it at all.

I’m going to just start getting curious about my own fears, just check them out and look at them and meet them. Sometimes I do this by making a list, sometimes I’ll just go through them in my head. I’m big on writing things down, though, so whatever observations I make, I jot down (even if it’s in a drawing instead of a sentence) a few words instead of a formal account.

So let’s just try that for a bit. Not all day, but for maybe 10 minutes here, and 10 minutes later in the day.

I’ll let you know some of my stuff later, and, as always, please share anything you’ve found in your stuff. You can also write me here.

xx – Holden

P.S. One last thing. I am totally not a pro at this, much less a real, certified therapist or counselor.

I’m sharing what I’ve learned from a (my) real, certified therapist and I really really encourage you to find one too. I know no one who has made significant progress on their “stuff” without a real-life guide.

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One Response to “Some Advice”

  1. Abby Says:

    Exactly what I was looking for (:

    I love The Fluent Self. I went there and signed up and am now basically stalking the blog. I need to work on my fears. Also, I lovelovelove the picture.

    How are you today?

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