Day One

9:08 am

Thank you to my girl thizznation for asking if my heart was okay.

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10:36 am

Thank you Amy for the hugs.

Thank you Tony D. You know I heart you.

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11:24 am

Thank you MsNovember.

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11:30

I feel slightly more clearheaded now. It’s half past 11. I haven’t brought myself to really get out of bed or shower. But I will at some point.

It’s still sinking in.

My plan is to drag myself out to Oddball Films to see their show tonight. Anyone want to join me? I absolutely promise you will love it.

* * *

2:30

Nancy called. She reminds me of my strength. She also reminds me I am more than welcome to take on more work with our company, in the name of heartbreak-distraction.

Just got a text message from her:

I love you!!! Doctors orders!!! Sex and the city movie, candy, ice cream and maybe Twilight!!!

I tell her I’ll take her up on at least two of those. I made fun of her during our entire Cabo trip for reading Twilight. And I’ve never seen the Sex in the City movie. I really think it’s going to be Oddball Films tonight. I just wish it wasn’t in such a sketchy niche of the City.

I feel so heartened by the people who have come out to just say hello and hi and hugs and we care. You give me courage and humble me.

* * *

6:22 pm

Thank you dianakimball.

I don’t think I’m going to make it all the way to the Mission tonight. Just not ready for that kind of adventure.

So, new plan. I’m going to actually take a real, long shower. Then I’m going to repaint my toenails and change around my apartment so it looks shiny and new.

Jack said he would call this evening, but I have a feeling he won’t.

As the daylight starts to subside, the pain starts to increase again. It’s a dull ache. I keep thinking about the Tin Man, perhaps because last night I dreamed I was sailing on a boat and singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow into the wind, but I was singing it with Judy Garland’s voice. So maybe Judy Garland is my friend too. There was a memoir about Judy Garland in last month’s VOGUE and now I’m wishing I didn’t leave the copy in Mexico.

It was an excerpt from Susie Boyt‘s new book, My Judy Garland Life.

Garland was, more or less, Boyt’s imaginary friend, though that doesn’t quite do it justice. She was a raison d’etre. I think I will buy it, when it’s released. I tried to find the VOGUE article, but without success. It’s really quite heart-wrenching and also psychologically intriguing (Boyt is the grand-daughter of Freud).

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