Bees, Bees

Yes, I have a fascination with bees. And you know what Nancy sent me today? This craziness (and yah, it’s one of those fwd-things that crawls around, so mebbe you’ve seen it before, and if so, good for you. These bees are helping to keep my mind off of other things and so I continue with this post…damn, what is UP with that crazy disclaimer, eh?):

A friend sent this to me to warn of what you may find when you get the BBQ ready for spring.

So I’m using my BBQ this weekend…and I thought,

“I’ll clean it up.” I know there are bees coming from under the cover so I thought I’d kill them, obviously. So here’s the BBQ in question:

The BBQ In Question

The BBQ In Question

Now I know these bombs aren’t for bees, but I thought,

“I’ll suffocate them. I’ll smoke ’em out!” So here is the weapon of choice:

The Weapon Of Choice

The Weapon Of Choice

I thought I was pretty smart and designed this to be easily maneuvered under the cover of darkness:

Easily Maneuverable Thingy

Easily Maneuverable Thingy

I released the weapon. The sound from under the cover was incredible. You could easily hear it from twelve feet away. I ran like hell.

Then, I came back a few minutes later to see the death toll:

Piles And Piles Of Bees

Piles And Piles Of Bees

It was a mass grave, at least two inches deep. I continued to remove the cover to light the BBQ and give it a clean when I notices some kind of fatty substance on the side shelf thing. I thought that was weird since I cleaned it before I put it away for winter.

I slowly removed the rest of the cover.

It was The HQ.

Bee Headquarters

Bee Headquarters

I saw this and I felt my scalp get all crazy itchy…

Good God Bees Are Crazy Ninjas

Good God Bees Are Crazy Ninjas

…and seriously felt like I was going to vomit.

And The Queen Was Never Found

And The Queen Was Never Found

The end.


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4 Responses to “Bees, Bees”

  1. Says:

    Last night, my professor was talking about how his dad kept bees as a hobby. Prof said it was miserable. The suits only slow down the bees from singing you, they don’t stop it altogether.

  2. m. Says:

    You should watch bee movie with Jerry Seinfeld. It’s cute.

  3. Stacey Says:

    My hubby emailed your story to me and then I googled to see if I could find it out there in cyberspace somewhere. Hurray! I’ve found you! This may just kill you, but… I watched a story on the news this spring that talked about how honey bees are becoming harder and harder to find. Expert bee keepers are paying ridiculous amounts of money to recover “hives” just like the one you had. If the small child with wings returns to rebuild you should check the yellow pages (or google) and see if you can’t make a buck!

    * * *

    Hi Stacey,

    Thanks for stopping by. I feel so bad telling you this, but it wasn’t me that this happened to. I have no idea who the people are who had this crazy hive.

    But if I find them, I’ll pass on your info.

    xx – Holden

  4. Refuse to leave name Says:

    Jesus Christ.  Those are honey bees. Half the total population of honey bees in North America are dead for some unknown reason, which will have significant economic ripple effects if the trend keeps going, and this asshole wipes out an entire colony to spare his BBQ.  Why didn’t he just move the bees, or have a beekeeper move them – they’re harmless.  Someone should stick a roach bomb up this guys ass. He’s more of a useless sack of shit than the bees are.  At least they do something constructive.

    What a prick.

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