Things I Need An Intern For

6. Making sure that this is the benchmark for hitting bottom:


and that I never end up like this man. (Though I’m positive he has ten times the amount of readers I do. Cruel world.)

5. Organizing my medication.

4. Notifying me when one of my orchids is looking like he’s on the edge of suicide.

3. Getting these damn awards from the Stellar Fashion Awards thing away. Somewhere.

2. Worrying for me.

1. Reminding me that cigarettes, coffee, a banana and some Kix cereal are not a good breakfast, let alone enough for the entire day.

BTW, I actually am looking for an intern, but you won’t have to actually do any of this stuff. Unless you want to, and then you get extra credit.

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