All About My Mother

I try to write to rid myself of the pain I feel about having lost my mother. It’s strange and self-conscious pain in that I have nothing more to say to her, or don’t know how to reach her and she feels so very far away. I need a mom, so I’m angry.

I want to love her.

First my father was gone and this is so similar. He left for drinking, she for insanity. I’d like to sleep this loneliness away, like my old hangovers.

I miss Charles but find myself chill to him, cold when we spoke. Mom, where did you go?

Dr. M continues to bring up the idea that I carry the weight of the world (I think she means I choose to do this). But I want it off.

Charles isn’t calling and he may not be able to make it through this one with me.


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