See y’all! xx – Holden

They are civil rights leaders, Feminists, undocumented workers, immigrants, refugees, women, people with disabilities, and a whole host of those of us in the subaltern group. So many of us, in fact, that the more we realize how strong we are together, the more we see our similarities in a vision for this condition of a world, the more difficult it’s going to be to stop the change we’re making.

We cannot be afraid. We cannot afford to be afraid.

Parks and Milk understood the dangers that came with their decisions and they said, No We Are Not Going To Take This Anymore.

Let’s all think of a way we can demonstrate, whether through a simple private act or through organization, that we are stronger than our numbers and that for every one of us there are more and more and more than enough us than of those who stand in our way, whether through ignorance, their own fear and misguidance or hatred.

I thought of these things tonight, when I walked the street alone. And it was comforting to know this wasn’t really so.

As It Ought To Be publishes poems every Saturday and Sunday. It’s really a fine blog, with a progressive bent.

If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.

And if you are still confused, try this:

How to Prevent Sexual Assault

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry rooms to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are committing a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

Print it out. Pass it around.

High five to Eye on Blogs for these important reminders.

From SF Appeal:

Cab Rides
First and foremost, you’ll need reliable transportation. The kind people at Berg Injury Lawyers will foot your cab fare to make sure you get home in one piece. For rides within San Francisco, call Luxor Cab at 415-282-4141. Those in Alameda, Oakland, or Berkeley can dial Veterans Cab at 800-281-4488. Let them know Berg will pay the bill.

When: Saturday, October 31 at 10 p.m. until Sunday, November 1 at 4 a.m.
Where: San Francisco or Alameda, Berkeley, and Oakland
Cost: Free

Wow.

I don’t care if you’re female, male or somewhere in between. If you think rape culture doesn’t affect you, read this.

Thanks to Brittney at Sparkwood & 21 for sharing this.

In full disclosure, and as many of you already know, I am an alcoholic (now sober for 5+ years). At that point in my life, it took a lot more than three drinks for me to get drunk. But I found myself, almost in a hypnotic state, vaguely numb and definitely confused. It was a different “high” altogether. My boyfriend and I got separated from each other. I was alone, in the middle of all the crowds on Pacific Avenue (kind-of a mini-Castro event) and completely out of it.

I remember walking up to an older, hippie-ish gentleman and telling him flatly, “Hi. I’m fucked up and would you please walk me safely to the [name of local bar]?” Weird, I know, but he did just that. Walked next to me without being too close and when we got to the bar I was a “regular” at, he left me with a thumbs up and a “good luck!” I told the bartender (a girlfriend of mine) that I needed to use the phone. I called a taxi, she made sure I got in safe, and I got home.

The next morning I woke up fully clothed, my door locked, safe and sound.

I cannot even begin to explain how fortunate I feel that whomever dosed my drink either chickened out or fouled up their plan…or intended the drug to be for someone else, who knows.

It was a swift shot of reality I got that morning (though I wouldn’t stop drinking until years later).

In the last week I came across advertisements and endorsements for two separate products which claim to test for “date rape drugs”.

The first product is a simple strip (like a pH strip) in a lipstick case that can be dipped into a drink and changes color if the drink contains one of two drugs, the other is a drink coaster which does the same.

What troubles me about these products (besides the fact that we should need them at all) is that they only test for two of the most common “date rape drugs”: ketamine and GHP. Neither product tests for the well-known Rohypnol, referred to often as “roofies”.

And how’s this for a reality-check: Alcohol, just plain ol’ alcohol, is the #1 most common drug used to sedate a person before rape.

I can’t discount that these drug-testing products might be useful in some way, but they should not ever take the place of the best precaution measures, which are:

(1) WATCH your drink and keep it in your eyeline

(2) If you have to go smoke or dance while you’re out, get a new cocktail when you return.

(3) Try not to drink too much

and, closest to my heart,

(4) Be with friends who love you and look after you (and do the same for them)

This ain’t a foolproof system. And it’s doubtful that we’ll ever be able to come up with a drug-test that turns blue for all drugs that can be used in conjunction with sexual assault and rape. I can’t publish this post without pointing out that the person you’re on a date with, who is supposed to be your trusted person, might be the aggressor.

Unfortunately, it’s still up to us to protect ourselves and each other as a community: of sisterhood, of queers, or of a few buddies who like a good weekend crazy-party-time.

Especially on the nutty night that is Halloween in San Francisco, BE SMART. BE SAFE. The previous night looks a heckuva lot more fun when you can actually remember it the next day, and you wake up exactly where you want to be.

xx – Holden

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“Coasters That Test for Date-Rape Drugs” [Good Vibrations Magazine]

“Date rape drug” [Wikipedia]

“Date-Rape-Drug-Detecting Lip Gloss” [New York Magazine, The Cut]

UPDATE: Jesus! What’s with today and the date rape?!

“Advice Columnist Doesn’t Know What Roofies Are For” [Jezebel]

“Hazy Memories, Moral Clarity: What a Very Bad Night Taught Me About Date Rape Drugs, Friendship and Responsibility” [Newsweek]

Hazy Memories, Moral Clarity: What a Very Bad Night Taught Me About Date Rape Drugs, Friendship, and Responsibility

But, WebMD cracks me up again. Here is some real advice from them:

3. Don’t hold or attend a swine flu party.

The guest of honor at a swine flu party is someone who’s got swine flu. The point is for other guests to catch the virus in the hopes that they’ll have a mild illness and gain immunity so that they won’t get sick if the H1N1 virus worsens.

Maybe I’m not so much laughing at WebMD as I am at people. People do this? What?

That’s a bad idea, according to the CDC, because there’s no way to know whether swine flu will be severe or fatal in swine flu party guests — or anyone else that they, in turn, infect.

My new blog, The Holden Archive, is all about fashion, art & style (still with a San Francisco bent, I’m screwed if I ever leave this city). Come visit!